Confession

Confession for the blog world out there: I've been jealous.

Through various events this summer, I've started to realize how slow I am to rejoice with others in their blessings. Whether it be incredible internships, fast-paced freelancing jobs, people hunting them down for job interviews, getting the job of their dreams, finding "the one" (that refers to all the great weddings and showers going on this season!), the list could probably go on a little ways.

(By the way, "slow to rejoice" is just a nicer way of admitting that I'm simply jealous.)

Instead of rejoicing in what they've been given, my first thought has usually been, "Lord, why didn't you bless me with something like that? How come my freelancing jobs haven't come through whatsoever? Why did the paid internship fall through when it seemed like I had it? Are You closing these doors to tell me to consider a different career?"

While this summer (after returning from New York) certainly seemed discouraging in several aspects, I've realized that the Lord is teaching me to rejoice in what He's given to me and what He's given to others. He has certainly been gracious to me. Although it wasn't my plan, I've returned to the job that I've had for almost three years. It's perfect for my schedule. While I haven't received the hours that want/need, that's enabled me to catch up on so many things: family, reading for pleasure (it's been well over a year since I've been able to pick up a book for pleasure), having heart-to-hearts with close friends and volunteering at Life Choices. These are things that I've longed to do for quite some time, but in the chaos of last summer and my other breaks from school, they rarely happen.

The Lord has reminded me that all things come from Him and come according to His perfect timing, not mine. So while I might have already planned out my summer months in advance, He's the one in control of it all (Prov. 20:24).

I haven't "fixed" my discontentment yet (nor can I, because I can't "fix things" on my own), but the Lord has graciously reminded me that He is faithful and will provide exactly what I need when I need it. He has started to show me how wonderful it is to rejoice with others in what He's given them. I am so grateful for how He has blessed me and continues to bless me, and I'm thankful that He has been so gracious to my dear friends, family and coworkers this summer. What sweet comfort to know that our Heavenly Father sees fit to bless us with exactly what we need and will never leave us. He's got it all under control!