Confession

Confession for the blog world out there: I've been jealous.

Through various events this summer, I've started to realize how slow I am to rejoice with others in their blessings. Whether it be incredible internships, fast-paced freelancing jobs, people hunting them down for job interviews, getting the job of their dreams, finding "the one" (that refers to all the great weddings and showers going on this season!), the list could probably go on a little ways.

(By the way, "slow to rejoice" is just a nicer way of admitting that I'm simply jealous.)

Instead of rejoicing in what they've been given, my first thought has usually been, "Lord, why didn't you bless me with something like that? How come my freelancing jobs haven't come through whatsoever? Why did the paid internship fall through when it seemed like I had it? Are You closing these doors to tell me to consider a different career?"

While this summer (after returning from New York) certainly seemed discouraging in several aspects, I've realized that the Lord is teaching me to rejoice in what He's given to me and what He's given to others. He has certainly been gracious to me. Although it wasn't my plan, I've returned to the job that I've had for almost three years. It's perfect for my schedule. While I haven't received the hours that want/need, that's enabled me to catch up on so many things: family, reading for pleasure (it's been well over a year since I've been able to pick up a book for pleasure), having heart-to-hearts with close friends and volunteering at Life Choices. These are things that I've longed to do for quite some time, but in the chaos of last summer and my other breaks from school, they rarely happen.

The Lord has reminded me that all things come from Him and come according to His perfect timing, not mine. So while I might have already planned out my summer months in advance, He's the one in control of it all (Prov. 20:24).

I haven't "fixed" my discontentment yet (nor can I, because I can't "fix things" on my own), but the Lord has graciously reminded me that He is faithful and will provide exactly what I need when I need it. He has started to show me how wonderful it is to rejoice with others in what He's given them. I am so grateful for how He has blessed me and continues to bless me, and I'm thankful that He has been so gracious to my dear friends, family and coworkers this summer. What sweet comfort to know that our Heavenly Father sees fit to bless us with exactly what we need and will never leave us. He's got it all under control!

I have so much left to learn

It never ceases to amaze me just how little I know.

Today, two sweet girls from the Mormon church came knocking on my front door. I was the only one home (funny, that happened the last time they came) and by the time I hit the stairs and realized who they were, I knew I had to open the door. I wasn't ready or prepared to speak to them; I had just been researching contacts for one of my stories and definitely was not in the mindset to be thinking, "Okay, how can I engage these girls?"

They spoke to me for a few minutes, asking how familiar I was with the Mormon church. They were glad to hear that I had a Mormon friend and were surprised to hear that I had studied the Mormon religion at my high school (Just to clear things up: studied, not believed, meaning we were taught about it, but not taught to believe it. I went to an Evangelical Christian high school.) We actually watched this video in high school, and it basically sums up what I remember learning about the Mormon faith. I know there was more, but that would require me finding my Bible 12 notes to remember everything.

They offered me a little information, encouraged me to check out their web site for non-church members, and gave me a card with a phone number and the web site address.

Every time the Mormon church comes up, whether it's in a conversation, seeing that friend of mine pop up on Facebook, or having Mormon missionaries knock on my door, I instantly regret not knowing more about what others believe. There are so many different religions out there, but the Mormon religion keeps coming back to me again and again. I just wish I knew more about it so that I could actually sit down and have an intelligent, non-threatening conversations with those who come with the intent to get me interested (and eventually converted).

I admire their hearts - although they're required to be missionaries for the Mormon church for at least 18 months (I thought it was two years, but I can't find the exact number), they do it very nicely and sincerely. They weren't pushy and simply want to offer further information. Sometimes I feel like the Christian church could take a lesson in evangelism just by watching how fervent other religions are in their efforts to convert.

So this summer, I'm making it a priority: I'm going to review the teachings of the Mormon church and find out what they believe so that I can effectively sit down with their missionaries and start asking questions...with the intent of pointing them back to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Writer's block

I have a severe case of writer's block. I'm finally home in Memphis and bored/procrastinating/really don't want to unpack my room. (Long story. I've moved back home for the summer and therefore must unpack, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but those are the rules here.) There's always lots to do here, I just can't figure out what to write about nor can I really seem to get motivated about writing. Bummer. It's been a long time since I've had writer's block.

I guess it is good to be home, though. I missed the South, mainly family and my church, but also friends, sweet tea, Southern accents, hot weather, wildlife (I saw squirrels in the backyard today and realized that I never saw any while I was in New York - how sad), working out (shocking, I know), Mom's cooking, real barbecue, wearing t-shirts, country music, and my bed.

Someone once told me that after I came back home from college, home wouldn't be the same. Sadly, they were right. I feel "at home," but I feel like I've left a piece of me everywhere that I've been. Part of me is here in Memphis, another part of me is in Starkville, Mississippi, and a small part of me is in New York. From now on, I guess I'll just miss people no matter where I am...how about we all move to one place and fix this? :)

On the upside, I'm planning on writing a story focusing on several Memphis barbecue joints, and that makes me pretty excited. There are two close to my dad's business, and they're these little hole-in-the-wall places with some of the best stuff around town. I'm looking forward to sitting down with the cooks, owners, and customers to hear their stories and taste some of that delicious barbecue. Anyone have suggestions for places I should visit?

The code to Narnia cracked

One of the things I’m most excited about this summer is reading new books. I’ve got well over 20 on my “to-read” list, mostly new books with some old favorites mixed in here and there. (Go ahead, call me a nerd. I’m thrilled about reading for pleasure instead of classes.)

As of Tuesday night, one of my old favorites, The Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis), jumped from the lower middle of my list to the top of my list – plus I’ve now managed to pick one of the 20+ books from WJI to read on my flights/layovers back home.

The book that I’ll be reading on my way back to Memphis – Planet Narnia: The Seven Heavens in the Imagination of C.S. Lewis by Michael Ward.

I had the privilege of hearing Ward lecture in New York at Socrates in the City Tuesday evening. There’s no way to sum up everything that he talked about, but in short, he has cracked Lewis’s code in the Narnia series, linking elements to Lewis’s study of medieval cosmology.

If you’re like me, maybe you didn’t initially realize the books had a “code.” Even so, did you ever wonder about certain elements that Lewis throws into his series, like Father Christmas? I know that I did…I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Father Christmas appeared in the books. Ward explained this – and other confusing elements – in Lewis’s books. I can’t begin to tell you how I felt as Ward fully explained Father Christmas – the light bulb finally went off for me!

Some might say that cracking Lewis’s code ruins the series. I would argue with Ward and say that it doesn’t; instead, it makes sense of the confusions and gives us a greater understanding and appreciation of the author and his intent.

Two things I really appreciated about Ward’s lecture: First, he began with Psalm 19 (“The heavens declare the glory of God…”), which is one of my favorite psalms. It was a reminder that even literature – a form of God’s creation – can point others to Him and bring Him glory. Secondly, he said something along the lines of this during the lecture (paraphrased): “If we can’t figure out the world of a children’s book [because the Narnia series was intended for children], how can we figure out all of the real world made by an infinite Creator?” That helped me put things into perspective and remember that it’s okay that I don’t have everything about the world figured out.

I started to blog exactly what Ward spoke about during his lecture and then realized that would kill the secret. I’ve given the links to the book, so go get your curious self a copy and then we’ll talk about it further.

(By the way, my second layover/plane book will probably be Eric Metaxas’s Amazing Grace: William Wilberforce and the Heroic Campaign to End Slavery. Metaxas is the founder and host of Socrates in the City and graciously allowed the WJI students to attend Tuesday evening – thanks, Eric!)

Visit to the World Trade Center

During our WJI class last Friday, we received an assignment to go interview someone who worked in New York. We were broken up into groups of two or three (and some singles) and given the afternoon to find an interesting New Yorker and tell their story via photographs and audio recording. James H. had the idea to visit the World Trade Center in hopes that we could interview a construction worker, so we headed that way. Camera, pens, steno pad, and DAR (that's digital audio recorder for you non-WJI/non-technology readers) in tow, we formed our interview questions during the subway ride to Manhattan.

As the train roared through the subway, James pointed out the former Cortland Street stop, which has been closed since 9/11. They are doing construction on it and several of the subway signs indicate that it was expected to be opened by fall 2006. Looking at the reconstruction was a solemn reminder that the planes didn't just take out buildings; they took out subways, too.

After we got off the train, we had to walk for a few minutes to get to the site. I honestly didn't know what to expect. We walked down a dim street and rounded a corner...then I saw it. Not the site, not the gaping holes, not even the crowd of onlookers by the fences around all the construction.



Not a particularly moving picture, but it's a lanyard - a reminder of a person's identity - tied to part of the scaffold from what appears to be a new monument. Attached to the lanyard is a decorative ponytail holder, the kind that only a small child would wear. It suddenly hit me: this item represents some one's father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, best friend, co-worker who died at 9/11.

I hadn't even looked at the actual site, seem the memorial, or listened to the sounds around me and yet I was already overwhelmed. I swallowed, took a deep breath, reached into my camera bag, snapped on my lens, and started shooting, telling myself, "There's a story that needs to be told. Do it."

We kept walking and dodging tourists, vendors, workers, and commuters. We were surrounded by the noise of the city, but I still felt like it was quiet; something was missing. That something was laughter. It will be seven years this September and yet the area's still solemn and missing something else beside the towers.

James and I found Harry Roland, a self-described advocate who worked at the South Tower prior and during 9/11. Roland comes to the site every day with a backpack loaded with photo albums of the site prior to, during, and after 9/11 to remind people that seven buildings were destroyed at 9/11, not just the towers. It was an incredible interview and photo opp. Our audio from the the project is pretty rough (thankfully not our fault), but it turned out well. We told Roland's story. (I may post the link later.)

This is one of Roland's albums; I loved this photo simply because it reminds me of a Bible - it represents this man's story.



The site itself wasn't particularly moving or impressive. It looks like a massive mess of a construction site. Once I got up high enough, I could see that there's damage and not just reconstruction. I saw holes from where the towers stood and underground where the mall was under one of the towers. (Until I met Roland, I had no idea that there was a shopping mall under the WTC.)

Music changes tone of NYC subways

Rolling suitcases. Passengers running down to platforms at Olympic record speeds. The wafting aroma of Starbucks and cheap fast food.

Flashing signs with train time updates and advertisements. The looks of exhausted and irritated passengers struggling with their luggage as they head to their next stop.

But in one corner of chaos called Penn Station lies something different. A small crowd has gathered around a petite woman, just taller than her microphone stand, nearly overshadowed by her acoustic guitar.

Her name is Nicola Vazquez and she’s playing music in the subway. She calls herself Nicola.

Dressed in black and wearing pigtails, she’s clearly enjoying her performance, grinning in between verses, and smiling and giving slight bows and nods after each song. Nicola thrives off her audience, catching their eyes and singing straight into them.

Leaning into her guitar and away from the microphone, her fingers fly across the frets. She alternates between delicate picking patterns to punctuated, pulsing chords.

The stage is the slick floor of the subway, lit by the glow of the neon yellow McDonald’s sign. Just below Nicola’s feet lie a small amp and an open guitar case, displaying Nicola’s CDs and providing an avenue for donations.

Nicola is just one of over 100 sanctioned subway performers from MTA’s Music Under New York program.

Manager with Arts for Transit and Music Under New York Lydia Bradshaw says the program appeals to the public.

“It’s like an event and it’s a nice ambiance to come across,” Bradshaw says.

She says Music Under New York provides 150 subway performances each week, covering all kinds of genres.

“We have all kinds of acts for the roster,” Bradsaw says. “It’s kind of a reflection of all the different cultures and people in New York.”

Nicola says she performs in the subway because she enjoys the interaction with various kinds of people.

“You meet a lot of people and gain experience,” she explains. “Where else are you going to meet such a cross-section of people?”

In his article “In Subway Platform, These Musicians Set Their Stage” from The New York Times, Corey Kilgannon writes that the program provides an extensive variety of music. It also includes musicians from across the world, including Africa and South America, exposing commuters to all kinds of music, languages and instruments.

Millions of people pass through New York’s subways every year and Nicola says they handle and respond to subway music differently.

The lack of a stage creates a completely different atmosphere than an actual venue.

“There’s no separation between you and your audience so you cannot be squeamish,” Nicola says.

Audience members sometimes get right Nicola’s face or try to speak to her while she’s performing. While it can be annoying, she realizes that an unusual kind of venue presents different challenges.

“The basic thing is, you take the good with the bad,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “You’re going to meet people, you’re going to make connections.”

Having music in the subway creates a different and unexpected environment, Nicola says.

“Music is very soothing; it gives people peace,” she says. “The music in the program brings a pleasant atmosphere.”

Nicola said that none of her subway performances are the same because the audience changes and she never knows how people will respond or how many will buy her music.

“Every night’s different, it’s very random,” she says.

Nicola has played guitar and sung since age seven. In addition to solo performances, she also sings has a band, also called Nicola. The band does not perform with her at the subway, but they perform at other venues.

The challenging subway location gives Nicola a different focus and goal during her performance.

“If I can hold someone for a minute, I’ve accomplished something,” she says. “It’s building me – the longer I’m down here, the better I get.”

Nicola notes that she initially did not make it into the program on her first audition. She auditioned again and has been a subway performer for over three years.

“I’m very grateful and thankful to have been accepted,” she says. “Were it not for this program, I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

Ode to Technology

Oh technology, thou are wonderful and great.
Thou has kept my hands from becoming ink-stained
Thou has enabled me to keep up with my notes electronically
Thou has allowed me to take loads of photographs
Thou has also stored said photographs.
Thou has equipped me to better waste my time on the evil known as Facebook.
Quite frankly, technology,
Thou hast saved my rear many a time.

But tonight, technology, alas, my love has faded
For thou has not kept up with all of my audio recording (which is due tomorrow)
Technology, why must thou plague me this way?
Why must thou refuse to cooperate and lose my material, especially the night before a deadline?
Why, technology, why?
Thou are cruel and unjust
Thou art not dependable
Thou only frustrates and bringeth despair.

Oh technology, tonight, I do not love thee.